commons are over.
disgustly done.

i'm seriously dreading the week after the next..
cause that's when the results come out.
and mc tay will totally screw me over.

it's suprising how i can be in the medicine faculty, and take more arts subjects than sciences.

something tells me that when the results come back, and i fail gp, tamil and french, mdm teo is going to drag me out of lessons, make me sit me down in her office again, and start lecturing about how it's probably a better idea to drop one language and concentrate on passing at least one, since there's no use taking three languages and failing them all.

maths was disgusting demoralizing.

for *once* i actually go into the examination hall, after having done *all* the earlier common test papers.. without having the need to cram for the last minute.. and i was bordering on the edge of actually NOT being nervous..

and then i screw up all the questions. and leave everything unanswered.

same goes for chem. but that was a sacrificial paper, didn't really study that much anyway.

wait. bio was the sacrificial paper. i didn't study anything *al all* apart from the night before.

gp was.. gp.
have come to terms that i'll never get astoundingly high marks for that. i'm still hoping for a pass.. maybe even a b4 - which is already a large leap of faith.

econs.
gee went through returns to scale and economies of scale with me on saturday night on our bed. it totally rocks having "tuition" like that where you can lie on your bed and "study".. she helped out quite a bit. if not i think i would done much worse.

french.
should have just handed in an empty paper. would have made no difference.

tamil.
this was totally irritating. finished an hour early cause i didn't know how to do *anything*. spent my time staring at the long list of donors to the rjc fund and realized that out of the 400 or so donors, there were only 5 miss and mrs. and when they state what connection the donor has, it's *always* "old boy".. it says
lee kuan yew (old boy and first pm)- $10000 then the next line's goh chok tong (old boy and first dpm) - $10000..

i am going to donate a whole chunk of money and be the first (old girl) on the board, since all the other female donors were like the old vp or teachers..

and then i can have my name next to the old dpm and pm of singapore. guess raffles skips a generation. lee kuan yew came here. then his son went to nj. now his grandson's in the opposite class, and he sits in the same row as me during economics.

and i realized that the hall was originally an indoor gym and resource centre.. and was opened by tony tan in 1987. same year i was born. so the hall's as old as i am.

and all through all this musing.. i realised that maybe this tamil paper would be hard on everyone else as well.. so i shouldn't really worry.. especially when my papers were so filled with nonsense.

like this part where they give you a word, and you need to make a sentence.. but all the words looked like gibberish to me..

so in the end it turned out like this..

word: ghjklasd
sentence: in life, we need ghjklasd.

word: qwertypo
sentence: "oh no!" she screamed. "i don't have my qwertypo!"

and all other miscellaneous sentences.

and i was pretty proud of myself for actually this ingenious way of making sentences. apart from the fact that i had no idea what all the words meant..

and after a while, i didn't really bother, cause i knew everyone would probably be failing too.

until the paper ends and the guy in front of me turns around and says..
"well that was quite easy, don't you think?"

i wanted to slap him.

and the worst part? he wasn't even sarcastic. it was *really* easy for him.
this paper.
the one which i couldn't do so i spent staring at things in the hall..
for an hour.

and then it dawned on me.

i used to tell myself that it's ok to be lost.. since after all.. it *is* raffles..
home of all the big shots.
i'm part of the top 5% of the population.
the top student for the psle is my roomate.

so it was all right to be one of the lowest.
cause i'll still probably be better than 95% of everyone else.

if the statistics prove right.

but who am i kidding?

i'm not all that smart anyway. i *am* after all, the person with the *lowest* psle score in the school.

i just realized the irony of yus being my roomie.

anyway, back to my point.
being the lowest, doesn't mean that i'm still smart because i got into rj.

i was lucky for my os. it was a smart combination of easy subjects. that i was actually interested in, cause they just skim the surface.

now i'm flunking everything. and i can't hide behind the fact that i'm in rj.. because in reality.. i'll flunk just abuot anywhere i go.

seriously bothered about that now.

ah well.

tamil orals for my ao exams on thursday at acjc.
found that out yesterday.

rmun's on wednesday and saturday. kind of looking forward to that. but then again, you don't want it to come, cause once it does.. it's over.

so that's pretty much week 2 for me. and monday's a public holiday cause it's youth day! haha.

seeing my juniors for the last time tomorrow. going to miss them like crazy. they had better not slack anymore. haha. that's what i always tell them. really hypocritical since i was the worst slacker last year.. and the lousiest captain. haha.