i don't like people lying to my face.
especially 5 seconds after we "promise to tell each other everything."
and promising over our rings.
honestly, you'd think that of all the times to do this, you would do that the second after i tell you everything.
well that was partly my fault as well.
i tell everyone everything.
maybe i'm just too trusting.
vid says that i'm too naive.
pea told me that too last year.
am i really?
the exact same words.
maybe i do need to grow up.
my dad asked me tonight on our way home after buying groceries, what i want to do with my life..
i have no inkling whatsoever.
one of the more talked about options is medicine.
and he, a doctor told me that becoming one is just not worth it.
funny how much his wife brags about his job and how much he condemns it.
i think i'll just stick with my mom's job.
a doctor's wife.
but honestly, i can't just go around prettying myself up the whole day waiting for a doctor to come by so that i can marry him.
and then there's the problem i face where i just don't want to grow up.
last year, i thuoght that by this time, all these things would change.
i would be in jc. an adult. all responsible and grown up. and independent.
it doesn't help that rj shelters us so much.
but i guess that's why i like it that way.
i want it that way.. i want to be sheltered.
[and i'm being all kiddish by blaming stuff on other people and things again.]
and as i look back on today, all the things i did and said.. it's just all so.. childish.
i like being "babyed".. i like people sticking up for me..
like yi teng today during pw..
her: eh.. you're boyfriend's looking at you.
me: .. what? yucks.. forget about him la. he's not worth my time.
her: why? what did he do?
me: he.. nothing.. just forget it.
her: RANON, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ANJALI?
and soh ee who automatically knew that it must have been something to do with him.. eventhough i didn't need to tell her anything. she just knew. and went around calling him a bastard after that.
maybe she shouldn't have called him that.
but the funny thing was that i felt better when she said it.
i have friends who stick up for me.
and i didn't like the fact that he called her a bitch either.
that's another thing that ticks me off.
i'm terribly possessive.
insult my friends and you'll get it.
but you're kind of at a loss when both sides of friends are screaming at each other.
and then you feel bad when you realize that this is all because of you.
besides, i'm not wearing the ring anymore. it doesn't stand for anything anymore when the other end doesn't really honour it.
man. that sounded really petty.
i should start being more of an adult.
shouldn't make people fight my battles for me.
and i should stop being so petty.
maybe i'm just in a bad mood.
first thing in the morning.. during chem lecture i was just stoning by myself.
yus was peacefully asleep next to me.
and i was freezing in the lt, twirling my pen around, listening to mctay talk gibberish.
none of which i understood.
so i just stared at my notes. and twirled the pen around.
and as mctay walked around the lt clapping his hands to wake up up or something, i just laughed at his stupidity.
then it dawned on me.
all i was going to do for this lecture was sit around, laugh at mctay and then leave.
and it wasn't just this lecture. it was every lecture.
for the past 5 months in jc.
there's got to be more to life than just wiling time away, waiting for one boring lecture to pass, just so that we can go into another lecture. and start the whole boring process again. and at the end of the day, talk a slow walk home.. realising that i have learnt absolutely nothing day after week after month.
and then i got all wasted thinking about how pointless this student life was.
how maybe how nice it would be if i actually made use of it.
and then i started thinking about jiaxi and syaz and clarissa and sarah and hui boon and everyone else i met at yesterday's match... and i realised how much i truly missed them.
i miss crescent.
i'm just wasting my life away here.
this is so not worth it.
i miss crescent.
