class party today.

mellie woke me up in the morning early afternoon.
then walked around in a half comatose state.
watching reruns of charmed, the practice and buffy while trying to clean up the house before my parents come home.

and then ranon smsed me saying that he was bored and wanted to meet earlier.
so i nicely cancelled piano class so that we could hang around in orchard.

ok. his was just a catalyst.
didn't feel like having piano today anyway.

spent eons trying to iron my shorts..
only to get them crumpled whenever i sat down.

we just went to orchard and bummed around.
until it was time to meet the rest.

saw alexis heng at kinokuniya.

and then went to jo's house.
man, it's really nice.
especially the swimming pool and outdoor washroom.

was the first to get wet.
haha.

and then we played this "most likely" game.
i was most likely to be a tai tai.

haha. whatever.
wouldn't mind it anyway.

and then we went to eat pizza after zheng *finally* showed up.

funny thing happened during dinner.
i was sitting inbetween yus and zheng, and ranon was next to zheng..
so it was like this...
ranon - zheng - me - yus.

zheng: eh... maaaaanjali..
me: ...what.
zheng: do you want to change places with meeee?
me: why?
zheng: so that you can feed raaaaaaanon..
me: *stares* more like YOU want to feed yus right?
zheng: *laughs like crazy*

and in the end, we didn't bother to switch.
and ranon and him were both wearing these BRIGHT orange t shirts..
and later, zheng and i were taking a picture with his new camera..

yu qing (sarah's boyfriend): eh both of them look damn good as a couple..
leila: they ARE a couple what.
sarah: no! wrong one.

haha.

then jo brought out a guitar and karl started playing.
karl plays really well.

and he played fly me to the moon cause i asked him to.
so sweet.
and leaving on a jet plane.
and ranon started singing with him.

karl's super talented.
he plays the piano really well too.

and then we got bored so zheng and i went into the pool.
i was trying to keep dry..
until he took off his shirt and jumped in...
and i became completely soaked.

and then ranon ran in.. threw off his shirt and jumped in.

then the two of them were floundering around me happily.
and i was just standing in the middle of the pool.. looking soaked.

trying to get mel in with us.
she finally did.

and so did suba and jo after much coaxing.

vid was on the phone for like 3 hours talking to pravin.

zheng swam the fly to show us.
and jo did breaststroke.

both of them, former national swimmers.
and i can't even kick properly.

and then this slow song started playing..
and ranon insisted that i do a slow dance with him.

which might have been romantic if i wasn't so sluggish in the water
and if the both of us weren't so cold and clammy..

so we "danced" for like 5 seconds before i became bored.
so i asked him to go dance with suba.
and suba swam away.

haha.

today was fun.

parents have left for malaysia on friday.

learning to live the single life.
and man, it's not as glamourous as i thought it would be.

one thing about living alone at home : it's always your turn to do the dishes.

and french ended late, cause she was pissed at us.
so ended around.. 10?

took the train down to orchard.

i love orchard road at night.
especially after rainfall.

the bright lights.. the coolness of the air.. the people you see.. the smell.. usually of bad cigarettes and cheap perfume.. the sound of live bands playing in pubs..

it's just so.. different from what it is in the daytime.

and vid decided to be all motherly and demand what i was donig at 11pm on a friday night loitering aruond orchard road.

reached home at around 11.30pm.
had to be awake in 7 hours.
and i was still in my school uniform.

that meant i probably spent 17 hours in my school uniform.
yucks.

was nearing midnight by the time i had showered and eaten dinner.

and i still had to do the dishes.

hmph.

luckily, my dear shan was nice enough to come and stay over after i whined to her about how i was scared of sleeping alone at home.

and we did the dishes together and then watched nip / tuck until i realised that i had to be in school in the next 7 hours.

so we went to bed.
but ended up talking with the lights out.
haha.


realised that through the night, i had grabbed the duvet all for myself.. and poor shan would have probably been freezing.

and shan's quite a sound sleeper. [i guess she has to be, to survive a night in the same bed as me.. from the way i kick and thrash around while sleeping..]

woke up at 6. before my alarm.
think it's my body clock.

had to quietly sneak out of my bed without waking her up, cause i guess she was tired, and i might as well let her sleep a bit more.

i had to open and close the wardrobe doors a million times looking for my jaxoras shirt..
and she still didn't wake up. haha.

and i made breakfast.
for both of us.
all by myself.

*beams*

and then i had to rush off to school. so i had to leave the house.

it was the spotlight drama camp. for kids from the lower income level.

after 10 hours with them, i have sworn off kids for the rest of my life.
they leave me completely drained.

i salute all parents out there.

but the kids were nice when they behaved.
just that they kept bullying me.

hmph.

then when i came back after hissoc, i saw nik and poorna sitting detectedly in the lt while the kids were running amok.

and then i was like.. "ok guys.. can you all promise me that you'll be serious? then we can finish this."

and then they all shut up.

haha. nik was amazed that they actually listened to me.
i was amazed too.

have never really had the chance to interact with people younger than me..
so was quite suprised that i was the one who could actually settle them down..

they're nice kids, i guess. quite cooperative.
just that they talk a lot.
and bully me.
and they asked me if i was a boy.

...

just because i was the tallest among their group leaders doesn't mean that i'm a guy.

and when they had to guess which one of the group leaders was the rugby player, they ALL chose me.

and they thuoght that abs was the soccer captain.

haha.

and in the end, when we were saying our goodbyes before the bus came to take them back.. one of our boys nearly cried.

haha.

so sweet.

he cried cause he was going to miss the camp. and us.

that really made my day.
that someone would actually cry for me.

ok fine. not me.

for abs, nik, poorna and me.

and this little guy had a crush on abigail.
he asked her for her number.
and then when we left, he ran back to us and then went to abigail, and went "i'll sms you.." and then he ran back.

haha.

after that i refused to stop teasing her.
pretty much proves the fact that she's irresistable.

me: eh.. remind me to never have kids..
nik: YES. exactly.
me: ya. take up way too much energy. but ABIGAIL wouldn't mind.. since ABIGAIL has an admirer.. right? ABIGAIL?
abs: eh.. of all the kids, who was the most exasperating?
me: me?
abs: *laughs* yes.

haha.
but it's so cute for this guy 5 years younger than her to have a crush on her.

i don't like people lying to my face.

especially 5 seconds after we "promise to tell each other everything."
and promising over our rings.

honestly, you'd think that of all the times to do this, you would do that the second after i tell you everything.

well that was partly my fault as well.
i tell everyone everything.
maybe i'm just too trusting.

vid says that i'm too naive.
pea told me that too last year.

am i really?

the exact same words.

maybe i do need to grow up.

my dad asked me tonight on our way home after buying groceries, what i want to do with my life..

i have no inkling whatsoever.

one of the more talked about options is medicine.
and he, a doctor told me that becoming one is just not worth it.
funny how much his wife brags about his job and how much he condemns it.

i think i'll just stick with my mom's job.
a doctor's wife.

but honestly, i can't just go around prettying myself up the whole day waiting for a doctor to come by so that i can marry him.

and then there's the problem i face where i just don't want to grow up.
last year, i thuoght that by this time, all these things would change.
i would be in jc. an adult. all responsible and grown up. and independent.

it doesn't help that rj shelters us so much.

but i guess that's why i like it that way.

i want it that way.. i want to be sheltered.

[and i'm being all kiddish by blaming stuff on other people and things again.]

and as i look back on today, all the things i did and said.. it's just all so.. childish.
i like being "babyed".. i like people sticking up for me..

like yi teng today during pw..

her: eh.. you're boyfriend's looking at you.
me: .. what? yucks.. forget about him la. he's not worth my time.
her: why? what did he do?
me: he.. nothing.. just forget it.
her: RANON, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ANJALI?

and soh ee who automatically knew that it must have been something to do with him.. eventhough i didn't need to tell her anything. she just knew. and went around calling him a bastard after that.

maybe she shouldn't have called him that.
but the funny thing was that i felt better when she said it.

i have friends who stick up for me.

and i didn't like the fact that he called her a bitch either.

that's another thing that ticks me off.

i'm terribly possessive.
insult my friends and you'll get it.

but you're kind of at a loss when both sides of friends are screaming at each other.
and then you feel bad when you realize that this is all because of you.

besides, i'm not wearing the ring anymore. it doesn't stand for anything anymore when the other end doesn't really honour it.

man. that sounded really petty.

i should start being more of an adult.
shouldn't make people fight my battles for me.
and i should stop being so petty.

maybe i'm just in a bad mood.

first thing in the morning.. during chem lecture i was just stoning by myself.
yus was peacefully asleep next to me.
and i was freezing in the lt, twirling my pen around, listening to mctay talk gibberish.
none of which i understood.

so i just stared at my notes. and twirled the pen around.
and as mctay walked around the lt clapping his hands to wake up up or something, i just laughed at his stupidity.

then it dawned on me.
all i was going to do for this lecture was sit around, laugh at mctay and then leave.
and it wasn't just this lecture. it was every lecture.
for the past 5 months in jc.

there's got to be more to life than just wiling time away, waiting for one boring lecture to pass, just so that we can go into another lecture. and start the whole boring process again. and at the end of the day, talk a slow walk home.. realising that i have learnt absolutely nothing day after week after month.

and then i got all wasted thinking about how pointless this student life was.
how maybe how nice it would be if i actually made use of it.

and then i started thinking about jiaxi and syaz and clarissa and sarah and hui boon and everyone else i met at yesterday's match... and i realised how much i truly missed them.

i miss crescent.

i'm just wasting my life away here.

this is so not worth it.

i miss crescent.

tennis match yesterday.
screamed like hell.

rugby match today.
screamed like hell too.

we won!
against ac.

rj won against ac. after 3 years.
finally.
rj beat ac.

hahahahaha.

ac ruggers are damn scary.
firas had the ball and then this group of ogres just lifted him clean up.. he was like horizontal to the ground.. and his legs were dangling in mid air..

damn scary.
but rj won. and he gave us a nice goofy smile..

oh. and pravin scored the first goal...
hahaha.

he's probably not coming for pw tomorrow.
would be getting drunk with his teamates right about now.

haha. i'll just disturb him about it for the next pw session.

and yesterday was the tennis match.
the rj guy hit the ball and i thought the ac guy missed, so i was screaming like crazy..

me: WOOOHOOO YEAH GO RJ RAFFLES RAFFLES!
ranon: ...no. it's out.
me: WOOHOO RAF.. huh?

so i just waited for other people to scream first and then just followed suit.

then mellie, ranon, amrita and i went out to slack.
and karl joined us later.

then went home with karl after that.
but we sidetracked, and ended up in clementi buying presents for suba and yi teng and ranon..

so we were at the supermarket..
and sat among all the dried noodles..
*in* the shelf.
like inside.
where the foodstuff were.
inside.

haha.
and we were fighting over whether we should get mini m&ms or baby food..

until night.. like 9?
not very smart when you have gp common test the next morning..

in the end we came up with this list...

suba: baby food and a toy sword.. (big, violent things come in small packages..)
yi teng: she mugs too hard, so we got her kitkat chunky.. (time to take a break. get it?)
ranon: this was karl's idea... impulse for his bad bo.. listerine for his bad breath and toothpaste for his foul mouth..

eh. funny story at the place with all the deo sprays..
karl wanetd to get nivea for him, but it was too ex. so we were looking at the other guys' deo sprays.. and karl sprayed them on me..
and then we realised that the only cheap ones were the impulse ones.
so he started spraying them on me too.
then he thought the musk one smelt nice.. i thought that it smelt more like doctor soap..
but he really liked it. so in the end he bought it for himself..

and then he called me later before we went to sleep..
him: eh.. you know what my deodrant says?
me: what?
him: impulse musk is an attractive, invigorating smell no man can resist.
me: HAHAHAHA. I TOLD YOU IT WAS GIRLS' DEO SPRAY..
him: oh well. nevermind. no guy can resist me.
me: *laughs*
him: but you see.. i am a man right.. so i couldn't resist the smell...
me: ... yes karl. bottom line is still that you use girls' deo spray.

haha.
karl's hilarious.

and today...
poor amrita lost her wallet..
i hope she finds it.
poor thing.

and we took 111 to ps.
and the whole bus was filled with crescentians..

then suba and vid were asking me whether i know any of them..
said no..
actally i did. a lot. but it's the typical crescent dao-ness crap, where the juniors aren't "allowed" to talk to the seniors until spoken too.. and i didn't really feel like talking much to them.. or explaining the whole long story to subs and vid.. so i just pretended not to know them. [the crescent people, not subs and vid.]

that's one of the few things bad about crescent.
everyone's just so damn dao.
find myself acting dao when i'm around them too..

and some of them were staring at me..
but i was half asleep so couldn't be bothered to stare back.
and i was sitting next to ranon..
and they were staring at us.. with this condescending look..

later saw two of them at ps when soh ee and i were roaming around..
girl #1: eh.. she's there!
girl #2: where? where? WHERE? oh..
girl #1: where's her boyfriend?
girl #2: is he really her boyfriend?
girl #1: they had the same ring!
girl #2: but when mr m asked her, she said that she had no boyfriend what..
girl #1: but they had the same ring!

aiyah. my dear crescentians.. learn to talk softly.

haha. look who's talking right?

oh well.. had a nice scrumptious vanilla milkshake that i shared with soh ee at mos.
which later made me really sleepy.. so i fell asleep on vid's shoulder on the bus ride..
and since vid's so nice and cuddly.. started cuddling her.. on the bus.. must have looked really les or something..

ranon: i'm jealous..
soh ee: oi! hands off.. she's mine..
ranon: SHE'S MINE!
soh ee: she's my partner!
ranon: but she's MINE!
soh ee: she was my partner FIRST!
vid: yes.. i know i'm wanted by all.but don't worry guys, there's enough of me to go around. don't fight over me...i know i'm worth it and all.. but nevermind.
suba: who's fighting over you? we're all fighting for anjali..
vid: *still in her you-all-love-me pose* i know i'm too good for you al.. what?
me: haha. JACKED. they were fighting over ME, vidhya..

hahaha.

vid is just too cute.

and then for the match itself it was raining..
and i saw SARAH SYAZ CLARISSA JIAXI HUI BOON and STEPH!!!!

oh man.

i missed you all so much. i love you guys!

syaz and i ran screamed from one end of the field in the rain and hugged in the middle.. i think i like made her stagger backwards from the impact..

hahaha.

just too happy to see her.

and the match.
where we won!
so proud of our guys!
makes the match so much more worthwhile where you know them personally,

and know that no matter how strong and macho they look on the field, they still jumped when the heard lightning and screamed like a girl.

the atmosphere there was amazing.
all the screaming.
so loud that your voice is just lost in it.
amough screaming in your ear.
all the sweaty arms brushing against you.
the nehnehs of the charsiew cheer
the raindrops cooling your face.
the itchiness in your throat for screaming too much.

and it was the first time i heard crumply cheer.
and ranon.
but crumply shocked me more since i've never heard her scream for the past 4 years.
and ranon said that he'll never cheer for rj prior to that event..

wow. people really change when they come to jc.
especially crumply.. hahaha.

shared a cab home with her and jen.
jen's just so nice..
haha.

she saw my picture in the crescent yearbook last year.
yucks.

haha.

at least she didn't see the one at the farewell ceremony.

some day,
when i'm awfully low,
when the world is cold,
i will feel a glow just thinking of you

and the way you look tonight.

yes you're lovely,
with your smile so warm
and your cheeks so soft,
there is nothing for me but to love you,
and the way you look tonight.

with each word your tenderness grows,
tearing my fear apart...
and that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
it touches my foolish heart.

lovely never, ever change.
keep that breathless charm.
won't you please arrange it ?
cause i love you
just the way you look tonight.

saw my best friend's wedding again.

i love that movie.

even after watching it 98457295 times..

from the moment i wake up
before i put on my make up
i say a little prayer for you
while combling my hair now
and wondering what dress to wear now
i say a little prayer for you

forever and ever
you'll stay in my heart
and i will love you

forever and ever
we never will part
oh how i'll love you

together, together
that's how it will be
to live without you
would only mean heartbreak for me

i run for the bus dear
while riding it i think of us dear
i say a little prayer for you

at work I just take time
and all through my coffee break time
i say a little prayer for you

my darling believe me
for me there is no one
but you
please love me too

tragic kingdom.

once was a magical place
over time it was lost
price increased the cost
now the fortune of the kingdom
is locked up in its dungeon vaults
the castle floor lies in traps
with coiled wires set back
decayed by old cheese
now the drawbridge has been lifted
as the millions
they drop to their knees

they pay homage to a king
whose dreams are buried
in their minds
his tears are frozen stiff
icicles drip from his eyes

the cold wind blows as it snows
on those who fight to get in
on heads that are small
disillusioned as they enter
they're unaware what's
behind castle walls
but now it's written in stone
the king has been overthrown
by jesterly fools
and the power of the people
shall come to believe they do rule

they pay homage to a king
whose dreams are buried
in their minds
his tears are frozen stiff
icicles drip from his eyes
welcome to the tragic kingdom
cornfields of popcorn
have yet to spring open

have they lost their heads
or are they just all blind mice
we've heard all their stories
one too many times
hypnotized by fireflies
that glow in the dark
midgets that disguise themselves
as tiny little dwarfs
the parade that's electrical
it serves no real purpose
just take up a lot of juice
just to impress us

welcome to the tragic kingdom
cornfields of popcorn
have yet to spring open.

the sun.

after school
walking home
fresh dirt under my fingernails
and i can smell hot asphalt
cars screech to a halt to let me pass
and i cannot remember
what life was like through photographs
trying to recreate images life gives us from our past

and sometimes it's a sad song.

moving on down the street
i see people I won't ever meet
think of her, take a breath
feel the beat in the rhythm of my steps
and sometimes it's a sad song.

but i cannot forget
refuse to regret
so glad i met you

take my breath away
make everyday
worth all of the pain that i have
gone through

and i've been crying
cause things ain't how they used to be.

she said the battles almost won
and we're only several miles from the sun

the rhythm of her conversation
the perfection of her creation
the sex she slipped into my coffee
the way she felt when she first saw me
hate to love and love to hate her
like a broken record player
back and forth and here and gone.

notice how songs are always better when they're sung about a girl rather than a guy?
same thing for pictures too. i'd rather stare at a girl's face than a guy's.

something about us, the fairer sex..
something more.. interesting.

another slacker day.

mc cool cancelled chem tutorial today. so school ended at 12.30! yay.

slacked around burger king. and amrita and i decided to eat subway instead.
and slacked around and took photos.

lots and lots and lots!

and then some fo them had to leave for stuff.. and in the end everyone left me and ranon alone again.

so ranon and i slacked around.
and started doodling on my notebook.

and then ranon suddenly snatches my book away and starts writing away furiously..

hey. i have a photo of him writing.

[see the ring? that's mine. we exchanged rings and now mine's too small for him and that's why he's wearing it on his little finger.]

and then when i craned my neck to see what he was writing, he hunches over the book and screamed "DON'T SEE... WAIT TILL I FINISH.."

haha. ok.

so i just let him write away while i enjoy my nice caramel creme sundae pie.
it's damn nice. one of the few nice things bk can sell.

and after a super long time, he comes up with this.

haha.

warning: to all people who can't stand mushy things, jealous exs, infatuated fans, and pretty much the normal people... don't bother reading this.. you might get grossed out.. haha.


a super colourful "love declaration."

me: what's this?

him: it's our love declaration for each other?

me: eh.. what our.. you wrote it all yourself.. it should be

your love declaration.. *starts to read*

him: wait. you want me to read it out for you?... ok.. come..


our love declaration.


anjali loves ranon.


this is an understatement!



she is so madly, madly in love with the way he looks, the way he talks,

the way he smiles, the way he laughs, the way he looks into her eyes

and says "i love you", the way he whispers into her ear, the way he

makes her feel like the whole world revolves around her.. she's just

so crazy about him!

(at this point i pointed out that he wrote all of this *himself*.. and

this is pretty much what he thinks i love about him.. or maybe why he

just is in love with himself.. but he just ignored me and continued

reading..)


he likes the way she feeds him caramel creme pie, the way she holds his

hand and then never wants to let go, the way she eats, the way she

walks, the way she makes him feel that he's all that she wants, the way

she says "i love you" over the phone, the way she sings with him, the

way she licks the whipped cream from her lips.. the way she loves him..

he's just so crazy about her!

and then he drew hearts all over the place.

haha.

i guess it was nice of him to write that. and he made me promise that i'll never tear it out, no matter what happens.

i guess it was the least i could do.

but it's weird how un-romantic i can be.
haha.
most girls would just be so blown over by something like that.

but i guess i'm not like most girls.

the big 3-0's on sunday.
and his birthday's 4 days after that.

i need to get him an extra nice present.
for this letter. and for me forgetting his birthday on wednesday.

the rest of the time, we just slacked around taking pictures.

this is a typical slacking around picture. the shoes you see belong to me.

these are our couple rings. nice and shiny. black and silver make a good combination.

lots more photos where that came from.
shall start posting them more often.

today was a sucky day.

i guess when people around me are depressed i feel depressed too.

ah well.

slacked around today.

had another spot check for our class.
2nd time in 3 weeks!
scraped through that.

then chem lecture.
mctay was amusing.

then chem spa.
nothing outstanding. just sat on my desk twirling my pen and scrutinizing my inverted burette drawing which looked like something a 5 year old would scratch out.

phototaking.
was in the last row of girls. ie am one of the tallest girls.
BUT the photographer wanted all the boys to stand at the back.
and glenda and anna came late, so they stood next to the guys.
at the back row.

bah.

then super long break.
stoned around.

maths lect after that.
mellie and i were writing letters to each other despite the fact that we were sitting right next to each other. and i was trying in vain to cheer her up.
and i realised that i can't draw cartesian coordinates for a circle. it just can never pass the points and still be round...

then pw.
bah. am getting like low me.
ha. whatever.
am i the only one who notices that people really get enthu when there's a teacher sitting in to "observe" our conversation and then just keep quiet for the rest of the time where the teacher leaves?
haha. i just kept quiet during the observation, cause i didn't feel like joining in.

and got a low me.
too bad la.

nearly pushed pravin down.
haha. he was scared.
hahahaha.
and he screamed in this girly voice.

but noticed that he was really.. distracted.
guess it's the fact that he has the rugby finals against ac on wednesday.

i hope they win.
they've worked so hard for it.
and last year they were so close.

ah well.
they'll do their best.

and we're all going to support them anyway.

from claud...

10 IMPORTANT THINGS INSIDE YOUR BACKPACK :

1. wallet
2. keys
3. my nice colourful notebook
4. many many coloured pens
5. handphone
6. sweater
7. bio notes
8. calculator
9. miscellaneous letters from friends
10. canon digital ixus i for random shots.


9 THINGS THAT YOU REALLY WANT NOW :
1. 4 As for my a levels
2. 1600 for the SATs
3. a nice new pedicure
4. the perfect pair of jeans
5. meteora cd.
6. pimple cream
7. perfect teeth.
8. actually a totally perfect body.
9. brad pitt.


8 OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS :

1. the darkest chocolate in the world.
2. curly fries from a&w.
3. seedless grapes.
4. root beer float from a&w.
5. mc flurry with extra extra extra chocomint
6. warm chocolate fudge
7. anderson's triple chocolate sundae. the trademark steph and anj flavour.
8. plain water. too many people take it for granted.


7 OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS :

1. that little pea.
2. chengs and steph
3. shan.
4. jean and gwendo.
5. jan.
6. the sidekick to the detour quuen. qing.
7. 1so3L.

6 OF YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIES :

1. troy.
2. gattaca.
3. the disney movies.. hercules..mulan.. beauty and the beast..aladdin..
4. taxi.
5. love actually
6. yamakasi


5 THINGS IN YOUR ROOM :

1. multi coloured star shaped cushion
2. a full length mirror.
3. another huge mirror.
4. hifi set.
5. post it notes.


4 THINGS YOU ATE/DRANK TODAY :

1. a hotdog.
2. chocolate ice cream
3. a zinger burger.
4. tao sar pau.

3 THINGS YOU COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT :

1. money.
2. music.
3. the people i love.

2 THINGS YOU USUALLY READ :

1. idiot's guide to stuff.
2. blogs.

1 PERSON YOU CAN'T FORGET :

strangely enough, it's gee.

finally got a call from the long lost pea.

her: oi. kups. are you going for the match?
me: what match?
her: hockey. my school against your school.
me: when?
her: now.
me: when?
her: now.
me: oh. where?
her: (voice drown out by all the background noises)
me: where?
her: *static*
me: WHERE?
her: delta stadium.
me: where's that?
her: near crescent.
me: near crescent? ok. i'm there. WAIT. i have pw now.
her: what?
me: pw.
her: WHAT?
me: *shouts* PEEEEE DOUBLE YOU..... (the ra teacher walks past me in the corridor, notices me screaming and gives me a weird look.)
her: oh.
me: *quietley* yeah.
her: we're going to beat you la.
me: crap la. we'll beat you.
her: go and die la. pj will win.
me: don't delude yourself, pea. rj beats pj any day.
her: you wanna bet? huh? huh? you want to bet?
me: don't bother wasting *your* money la.
her: whatever. pj will win.
me: rj.
her: PJ.
me: RJ.
her: go and die la.

haha. no matter what, pea and i always manage to have fun screaming at each other. and our nice limited vocabulary conversations which center around her going.. "go and die la" every 5 sentences.

in the end she called me to tell me that rj won 2-0.
haha.

oh pea.
i love you.
and your little weird ways.

hahaha.

ranon's such a useless boy.

he lost his ring.

on hindsight, it was quite amusing, really..

hongster and abs had this "oh no" look in their face. i think they thought that we were going to fight.

bleah.

yus and i were comparing whose was more pitiful.

she won..
at least ranon's not allergic to his ring.

haha.

poor yus.

but i pointed out that her guy doesn't go walking around orchard road alone with another girl.

and yes, he told me that he did, and i didn't really take much notice of it until melissa comes up to me later in the hall...

her: eh.. anj..
me: yeah?
her: *concerned look* jo told me that she saw ranon alone with amrita last night at orchard.
me: yeah.. so?
her: *even more intense look* walking together. alone.
me: oh ok. aiyah.. let him do what he wants la.

(ranon walks past)

me: *for the sake of me pretending to me a proper, easily jealous girlfriend...* oi. you. what were you doing amrita last night?
mel: yeah. what WERE you doing?
ranon: how come you know?
mel: jo saw you two.
ranon: how come i didn't see her?
me: that's not the point!

maybe i would have bothered to start a fight. but i was too lazy. and the hall is freaking hot anyway.

haha.

and i am a useless girl.
signed up with abs for the players fundraiser on thursday.
then asked ranon to join us.

and he looked at the date.
"that's my birthday!"

big oops.

no wonder that date looked so familiar.
*innocent grin*

"i know your birthday ok? it's the first of september... how could you forget mine?"

i guess i should get him a really nice present to make up for it.
and maybe i should give it to him on time too.

bleah. i wish he was a girl.
things would be so much better then.
i could just get him jewellery or something.

matt saw us with the rings on monday. then he told him that they were engagement rings.

then matt was like.. "i thought they still don't allow same sex marriages."

and he looked at me.

2nd insult thrown at me this week.
1st was by zheng who mused that he forgot that i was a girl.

haiz.
being in a relationship is so troublesome.

maybe i'm just to lazy to even take care of one properly.

last night, all the things that i had forgotten screamed for help in my dream.

and right now i can just hear some freudian going.. we all dream; we do not understand our dreams, yet we act as if nothing strange goes on in our sleep minds, strange at least by comparison with the logical, purposeful doings of our minds when we are awake.

bleah.

gp gp gp.
i hate you so.

wonderful poetry. isn't it.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Trustworthy, loyal and honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and travelling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Choosy especially in relationships. Loves wide things. Systematic.

they call it the "quarter-life crisis."

it's when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. you start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two..

and then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

you start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met.

and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

what you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

you look at your life at school...
and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing.

or maybe you are looking for a new kind of life
and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom

and that scares you.

your opinions have gotten stronger. you see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

one minute, you are insecure and then the next, super secure.

you laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.

you feel alone and scared and confused.

suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life.
but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away..

and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

you get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you.

or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.

or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

one night stands and random hook ups look cheap.
getting wasted and acting like an idiot start to look pathetic.

you go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

you worry about savings, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender.

what you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.
we are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

and maybe i am going through a quater life crisis.

gp and french exam in two weeks.
i have only passed gp like twice.
i have never sat for a french exam at the moelc before.

leechyekeow's going to give me hell tomorrow.
so is mctay.
and rasha.

and i have done no homework whatsoever.

go me.

trying to forget about the useless old geezer mc tay.

today.

was auditioning people for lysistrata, the new play.
9-12.
auditioning is fun. you get to see all these different kinds of people and see the different ways they act.

went out for lunch after that with ranon and soh ee.
slacked around. then met leila and sarah.

after that everyone left, and ranon and i slacked around until 4.

at delifrance.

haha. i like slacking around holland v.
we stayed there for a super long time.
until we like heard every song being played like twice.
then we decided to leave.

haha.

went home.
and i stumbled on this song.

should i stay by dreamz fm.

it was off the chemistry soundtrack.
remember that useless show on ch5 a super long time ago?

never realised it before.. but the song's really nice.
the lyrics are horribly simple.. but i guess that's why it's so great.

this song reminds me of that person.
ah well.

and today, i realised that ranon reminds me of that person also.
felt really weird for a moment.

but i'd rather be all down and moping about that someone rather than fuming about mc tay.

let's not talk about mc tay anymore.

had a drive
driven by your love
but when you messed around
i lost the drive i found.

thought you needed
needed someone true
but you changed your mind
or had i failed you?

wish you'd been
careful with my heart
but you tore it apart
another angel's craft

i guess it's true
had to end somehow.
living proof of what love is about

it's hard holding you
loving you, losing you
it's sad to be true
and be fooled by you

i don't know.
i've got to know
should i stay
or should i go?

you played me on
played me like a clown
but i feel for you
eventhough i'm down.

my heart is heavy
like a rock
but i am so amused
you're still in my thoughts

this time its done
it'll never feel the same
but we had some good times
guess it's sad just the same

i guess the truth
doesn't matter somehow
but you were living proof of what love was about..

i hate you mctay.
you stupid lying piece of (*&(^*%&^%%$%*$*&^(%(^%(^%( shit.

perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that

never was and never will be
have you no shame, don't you see me?
you know you've got everybody fooled.

look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she

never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie

i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore

it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool.

why are boys so... eurgh... stupid?

they never say what they feel.. and when something's obviously wrong, they *pretend* that everything's all right, and that they can handle everything by themselves.

it's really... painful to see someone so down.

and to make matters worse, i keep wondering whether i'm a part of it.
because of the things i said.

maybe i should stop talking so much.
but i was just stating the obvious.

but then again, there are the things that are understood and not spoken about.

aren't there?

hmph.

ah well. i shall try to cheer that person up tomorrow. buy chocolates or something.

and you're probably reading this anyway, so if you think it's you, well yeah. it's you.

get better k?

whatever i said... i didn't mean to say it.

things just happen.
there's no use blaming people for it.
but it's easier that way. i just need to find a reason. a punching bag. something to blame.
the first week of the new term, i saw them whenever i saw you guys. and i missed them terribly.

just like you miss your people.

but we can't always have what we want in life.

abs is just so cute..

haha.

abs: blahblahblah.. and then i have to go meet my junior for dinner.. but it's friday... unless i meet her first.. then meet you later for dinner... or i can meet you first.. and then...
me: i'm not free on friday la.
abs: ya.. so you on friday first.. then later i can meet her...
me: *grabs abs by the shoulders* i'm. not. free. on. friday.
abs: oh.

hahahahahaha.

and then realized that it's bad to be too booked with too many things.
haha.

abs: and then i have to go for players on saturday.. but we have the meet the parents thing... and after thati'm going out with daniel... and i'm going to be so broke.. i'll have to ask my mom for money...
me: who's daniel?
abs: and i have to go watch troy 3 times with 3 different people cause they all want to see troy with me...
me: who's daniel?
abs: and then i have to go for dinner with my mom... and then i..
me: who's daniel?
abs: wait. can i finish complaining first?
me: haha. go on.

and then abs breathless cause complaining while climbing up a hill is no easy task.

hahahahaha.

obsessive compulsive


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

now that she's back in the atmosphere
with drops of jupiter in her hair.
she acts like summer and walks like rain
reminds me that there's time to change.
since the return from her stay on the moon
she listens like spring and she talks like June.

tell me, did you sail across the sun
did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
and that heaven is overrated

tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
one without a permanent scar
and did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

now that she's back from that soul vacation
tracing her way through the constellation.
she checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
reminds me that there's time to grow.

now that she's back in the atmosphere
i'm afraid that she might think of me as plain old jane.
told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet
did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
and head back to the milky way

and tell me, did venus blow your mind
was it everything you wanted to find
and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
your best friend's always sticking up for you
even when i know you're wrong

can you imagine no first dance
freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
the best soy latte that you ever had.. and me

tell me.

-train

sometimes i feel like i don't have a problem.
sometimes i feel like, my only friend is the city i live in
the city of cities, lonely as i am, together we cry.

i drive on the straights cos he's my companion
i walk through his fields cos he knows who i am
he sees my good days, then he kisses me one day
i am what i am now that is love.

it's hard to believe, there's nobody out there
it's hard to believe that i'm all alone
at least i have his love, the city he loves me
lonely as i am. together we cry

i don't ever wanna feel like i did that day.
take me to the place i love take me all the way.

-under the bridge.

haha.
finally something worth blogging about.

claud and i got locked in the archives room today.
and then i fiddled around with the back door a bit and managed to break the lock and we left.

anjali to the rescue!

haha.well technically, i as just rescuing myself, since claud would have probably saved us anyway.

oh well.

freedom never felt that good.

haha.

resorted to call tse yang to whine.. and ask him to come and "save" us.

"lesson #1: when you go into the archives room, TAKE THE LOCK WITH YOU..."

haha. a bit too late to tell me that la.

and i know everyone who knows me would probably be laughing at me while reading this.

ah well.

was never that smart anyway.
haha.

yellow card.

there's a place off ocean avenue
where i used to sit and talk with you
we were both 16 and it felt so right
sleeping all day, staying up all night.

there's a place on the corner of cherry street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 17 and it felt so right
sleeping all day, staying up all night

there's a piece of you that's here with me
it's everywhere i go, it's everything i see
when i sleep, i dream and it gets me by
i can make believe that you're here tonight

i remember the look in your eyes
when i told you that this was goodbye
you were begging me not tonight
not here, not now
we're looking up at the same night sky
and keep pretending the sun will not rise
be together for one more night
somewhere, somehow

if i could find you now
things would get better
we could leave this town
and run forever
i know somewhere somehow
we'll be together
let your waves crash down on me
and take me away.

this test was from here

1. You are attracted to those who are elegant and well-mannered.

2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you
feel irresistable is patience, never give up on you.

3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is optimistic.

4. You don't like it when your partner is emotional and/or too
moody; and you don't know how to please him/her.

5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your
partner is that both of you can talk about everything and
anything, no secret is kept.

6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything
wrong after marriage.

7. You think of marriage as a precious thing. Once you get married,
you'll treasure it and your partner very much.

8. At this moment, you don't have the thirst for love, you can't do
anything for it, you won't fall for it easily.

quite interesting. especially after all of today's happenings.

I'm an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, relatively well adjusted human being!
See how compatible you are with me!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

it's not my problem anymore...
you see it never really was.

so you can stop "caring"

as you call it.

and i'll be fine right here

but you see through my "forever" lies and you are not believing.

and i see in your "forever" eyes that you are forever healing.

you can't hear what i'm not saying
and I can hold out long enough.

treading water i keep from sinking
i'm not one for reaching.

you see, i can play a pretty convincing role.

so i don't need you.

...i don't think i need you.

jars of clay - love song for a saviour

in open fields of wild flowers.

she breathes the air and flies away.

the daises and the roses in no simple language
someday she'll understand the meaning of it all

he's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
as close a heartbeat or a song on her lips

someday she'll trust him and learn how to see him
someday he'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

i want to fall in love with you.

sitting silent wearing sunday best
the sermon echoes through the walls
a great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

my heart beats for you.

people tell me that i've grown..
and changed..

"ever since you went to rjc."

have i really?

oh well.

went to the vj funfair.. was pretty fun.. and commented to yus about it.
were thinking of snatching the haunted house idea for our ora funfair on the 9th.

oh. let me digress.

9th may 2004.
rjc funfair.
at rjc.
please come.

anyway, yus and i were commenting that vj has more eye candy than in rj..
then she said that they might not even be from vj cause they were in civils.
and then we started talking about how everyone would come to the vj funfair.

and then yus said tha not many people would come to rj.
cause there is always this preconception that rj is elitist.

which i true, i guess.
our ora day is pretty much anything raffles.

ri/rgs/rjc.

how perfect.

i'm sure all the other jcs have their affiliates too.. but only raffles wishes to come over as one big family. ora's problem lies just there. no one out of the "raffles family" would want to come for a "raffles family union" if they aren't from a raffles school, right?

and i'm probably whining because being a crescentian, i have no affiliates. which makes me wonder.. if i had actually gone to rgs, i would have been a rgps/rgs/rjc girl.

and would i still be complaining about our elite-ness?

but then again, that is the wisdom of hindsight.

piano in 2 minutes.
bah.

glanced through the prom pictures jut now.
maybe that's why all this things come up.

i miss crescent. i really do.
all the people.. the full length mirrors.. the container block.. and even the teachers.
and the 4 years.
which i wouldn't mind going all through again.

went all the way to vj for the funfair today.
the haunted house was.. scary.
until you realize that they're just j1s like you trying to make money.

the people at vj are nice. friendly and all.
was considering going there if it wasn't so far away,

ah well.

qing was nice and all. we went out after that.
went to buy clothes.
and notebooks.
and other miscellaneous stuff.

and qing made this conclusion that i can never walk in a straight line.

granted, i do make a *whole* lot of detours.

haha. first to delifrance. deciding between a mocha frap or pure chocolate.
then to coffeebean. deciding between blackforest or green tea.

then i finally decide that i'm more hungry than i am thirsty. so on towards kfc.
stand outside kfc deciding whether i want a peking chicken or caesar's.
and when i finally decide what i want. there's no place to sit.

so we walk back to wisma.

and share a 25cent ice cream cone at mcs.
then i realize that i'm not really hungry, so we shared a cone.

then from one jewellery shop. to another. spending half an hour at bits and pieces choosing a ring.
so many designs... took forever for qing and i to decide on one...

me: eh.. is this one nice?
qing: why is it so...pattern-y?
me: i like it patterny.
qing: but it's so complicated... eh.. which ring is nicer?
me: *picks one* but it's so... simple...
qing: but i like simple things.
me: yes, you simple minded thing.

finally decide on a ring. and then have a hard time deciding which finger i should wear it on. and then have a hard time trying to find my size for that exact ring that i want.

and then i realized that it was too expensive.

then went somewhere else.

trying on rings while holding on to ice cream is no easy task.
haha. especially when singapoeran women have such small fingers..
but that kind of narrowed down my options, i guess. either ring or pinky.

finally found a nice ring.
wearing it on my pinky.
black and silver. on my pinky.

was horribly indecisive. but i found it.

with qing's help, of course.

then we left and suddenly realized that it was dark outside.
that's the thing with orchard. you spend so much time underground that you never realize that it's already so late outside.

ah well. i have my piano lesson tomorrow.
bleah.

will try to get to leave french early on monday.
so that i can go watch karl, mark and david's gig.

listening to that's all by michael buble now.
i think david does a nicer job.. and sounds sexier too..

haha.
we were teasing him after that.
told him to change his name to david lim sex-aaaay.

man, he has the power to make any girl swoon.

"i can only give you love that lasts forever,
and a promise to be near each time you call.
and the only heart I own
for you and you alone
that's all.

i can only give you country walks in springtime
and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
and a love whose burning light
will warm the winter's night
that's all.

there are those i am sure who have told you,
they would give you the world for a toy.
all i have are these arms to enfold you,
and a love even time can't destroy.

if you're wondering what i'm asking in return, dear,
you'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
say it's me that you'll adore,
for now and evermore
that's all."

told qing and shan to come along as well, if they want.
then maybe we can go for dinner after that.