so yes.
after spending the entire sunday beating myself up over saying we should just be "friends".. (cliche much?)
he finally calls today. we pretend nothing's changed.
so it's a good hour of the usual nonsense talk just like it was. and i'm honestly relieved that he decided to sweep whatever happened under the carpet.
and then suddenly he goes "well we do have to talk about what happened last night."

a good 20 second silence later..

we start talking. well if talking is the word. more times it was just silence with the two of us trying to figure out what is it exactly that we want the other person to hear.

so yes.
i obviously chickened out and said the choice is up to him ultimately. cause i was good either way.
i wasn't really. i wasn't good any way. i just wanted a decision to be reached..

so first he said that he didn't want to lose me as a friend.. cause he was "commitment phobic".
(whatever. i am the queen of commitment issues.)

if i hadn't stopped what we were doing, this wouldn't be happening.
but to be fair, he started it. so really the mess is his fault.
who am i kidding. i chose to reciprocate.
AND THEN PULL AWAY.

ah well.

tried on my platform wedges.
ie probably the highest heels i own.. (if you could call them heels.)
and now my reaction is.. damn. i need something higher.

WHY

"you're too much of a good friend."

why did i say that? what's wrong with me.
you smell nice. i like the way you hold me. you're an amazing kisser.
no.. i had to say it.
you're too much of a good friend. f.

and now he says he agrees.

ARGH.